


Heavy Burdens

by ShaneVansen



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Tag, F/M, post-ep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-19
Updated: 2013-10-19
Packaged: 2017-12-29 19:51:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1009393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShaneVansen/pseuds/ShaneVansen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Nothing is such a heavy burden as a secret is." -- French proverb  (<i>The New Girl</i> post-ep)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heavy Burdens

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks as always to December21st for betaing. :) Remaining errors are, of course, all my own. (She tried to make me capitalize 'barn', but I just couldn't do it. Sorry.)
> 
> Picks up immediately after _The New Girl_. The first half-page or so actually contains dialogue taken right from the ep. Credit where it's most certainly due: the good stuff belongs to the real writers of Haven.
> 
> Canon is proving me wrong as I type. Oh well. *g*

"I don't know what to say. I'm sorry, I just, I... I didn't want to get stabbed. I was scared." This can't be leading anywhere good, and Audrey figures it's time to end the conversation sooner rather than later. She manages a few steps in the direction of her apartment, but Duke isn't about to let her go so easily.

"See, that's where I get stuck. You jumped out of that barn, went down in that basement. I guess I'm just having a hard time believing that you were _scared_." He pauses, like he's waiting for an answer, but she can't even meet his eyes. "I think you knew that my curse would kick in and save me."

She needs to go _now_. "I really – I don't know the first thing about it." She ducks around him, just wanting to get _away_ , where she doesn't have to worry about keeping up appearances, but his next words stop her in her tracks.

"But Audrey Parker would. Isn't that right, _Audrey_?"

She wavers, torn between giving in and keeping her secret, but in the end it's only been one day of pretending to be someone else and she's already exhausted. "Dammit, Duke," she mutters without heat, then whirls and launches herself into his arms for a hug. "Yeah. It's me."

His arms close around her slowly, though no less solidly for their surprised hesitation, and she holds on until he takes her by the shoulders and moves her back to arms' length. His fingers slide down, holding on to her upper arms, and he bends down so they're at eye level. "Why?"

"It's the first thing I thought of." She curls her fingers around his wrists; she's missed him, missed them all so much even though she didn't even remember them until this morning. "I woke up in that field to a bunch of the Guard surrounding us, and the next thing I know Nathan's putting a gun in my hand and telling me that the Troubles never disappeared and that I have to kill him." She closes her eyes and turns her head away, remembering it all much too clearly. "I didn't know what else to do. Jordan's angry, Duke. She has been for a long time. She wasn't going to listen to anything I had to say. I needed to buy Nathan some time."

He sighs, bringing her in for another hug before letting her go. "It was quick thinking, I'll give you that."

Audrey folds her arms over her stomach, tilting her head as she considers her friend. "What happened, after I went in the barn?"

He fills her in on the past seven months, about Nathan shooting Howard and the way the barn started to implode, about how Nathan sent him into the barn after her, his missing six months, and Jennifer's unexpected arrival at the hospital to rescue him, about the Troubles not even fading, let alone disappearing, about how most of Haven blamed – still blames – Nathan and how they've spent the past month searching for her, about how the Guard are bound and determined that Nathan will pay, one way or another, for the Troubles continuing. "Which is how you came to find half a dozen of the Guard in a field with weapons held on him. And Nathan, of course, is all too willing to sacrifice himself."

"Of course he is," Audrey says on a sigh, because that man's always been too self-sacrificing for his own good. And this only proves to her that she made exactly the right call when she arrived back in Haven earlier today. 

She looks up, making sure to catch Duke's eye. "You can't tell him."

He widens his eyes, going for innocence, like he has no idea what she's talking about. "What do you mean?"

She gives him a look. "Nathan. You can't tell him who I am."

"Audrey—"

"You _can't_."

"Do you have any idea what this is doing to him?"

"I know!" she snaps. "I know _exactly_ what it's doing to him." Because she's already pushed too far when pretending to be Lexie, was too cruel in her plan to drive him away from her so he'll be _safe_ , and she saw firsthand how he's still grieving for her. The way she treated him in that locked room in the hospital was bad enough; she really shouldn't have mocked him later, back in their office, about their relationship – about what they never got the chance to have. In the long run it's probably for the best, but she wishes she could take those few minutes back. Her voice is soft when she tells Duke, "It's the only way."

"How long?" She looks at him, eyebrow raised in question, and he elaborates. "How long are you going to pretend to be Lexie?"

"Until we find a way to stop the Troubles and save Nathan's life."

"And if we never do?"

There's an edge to his voice that stirs up the dread she's been trying to ignore all day. "Why do you sound like you don't think we will?" she asks, more because she knows she needs to than because she wants to know the answer.

He's giving her his compassionate look now, like he knows she isn't going to want to hear what he's about to say. "The barn is gone, probably for good. The Troubles are still here. What if there _is_ no other way to stop them now? You going to lie to him for the rest of your lives?"

Even if that were possible, there was no way the Guard would ever let him live for that long, but Audrey doesn't want to think about that – or about the fact that her selfishness means that so many others will suffer. Right now she's remembering Nathan's words in that locked room, that he doesn't want Lexie, he wants _her_. If there'd ever been any lingering doubt in the back of her mind that what he feels for her is influenced by the fact that she's the only one he can feel, well, that doubt is long gone now. And she's as determined to protect him as he's ever been to save her. "Whatever it takes."

Duke looks like he's going to argue, but instead he just shakes his head. "I hope you know what you're doing," is all he says.

"Yeah," she murmurs. She looks up at him, knowing he's on her side as much for Nathan's sake as for hers; for all their supposed animosity, they've always had each other's backs when it counts. "I hope so too." Because if she's wrong, Audrey's pretty sure it won't be long before things get a whole lot worse. 

And it wasn't likely any of them would be around to see if they got better.

_\--end--_

**Author's Note:**

> I still live a spoiler-free life! I'm good with speculation, but please no actual spoilers if you are kind enough to leave a comment. Much appreciated!


End file.
